It’s the homeschooled version of a homecoming. I had a lovely time with this beauty beforehand getting ready, drinking tea, and singing.
And you can always count on these guys for a crazy time.
Snowcoming
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That Emotional Trick Called “Retreats”
Retreats. Yup, they are complete manipulation. You stay up late, get dehydrated, run around, hug strangers, listen to powerful music and driving talks, and the last day you cry, “change your life”, go home and forget everything you so miraculously learned over the week/weekend. Such was, and to a point still is, my view of retreats.
So, why am I talking about retreats? Well, because I just came back from one. I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to go at all. I didn’t want to get sucked into the trick that was so carefully planned by youth leaders. I didn’t want a spiritual high because at some point I knew I would fall and so would every other hormonal teen.
What was the point?
The first night I was determined to have a good time because I was there, but I told myself I would not be emotionally moved. There was the overly enthusiastic group of 400 teens screaming and cheering for… what reason? God? Anyway, the band was good. Not so good that they were snobbish, but good. The theme, Anchored, was cool. And then the speaker.
Okay, at this point you’re probably guessing how this post is going to end. I’m going to say how much I was impacted and changed and how retreats are amazing and yada yada yada. You might be right, but you’re definitely wrong. That would be too typical, and life, unlike Hollywood, is not predicable. But I will tell you I’ve been telling myself to stop being bitter, to depend fully on Christ, be content with the present, and try to give my parents grace so we all can get through the next few months until I get a job and start community college. There’s a little prelude or teaser, or whatever for you.
Anyway, then came the first talk of the weekend. He opened by summing up what I thought of camps to a degree (his version was a bit more optimistic), but it got me listening. He spoke about how we are anchored to different things that are holding us down. Either the past, bitterness, or fear. Bitterness.
Moving on. Then we did the whole “stay up late, hug strangers” part during the gym game time that started at 11:30.
Saturday was fun. Think, 70ft swing fun. Think super fast tubing slide fun. Think laser tag fun. It was a jolly old time, Saturday was. I actually enjoyed myself without forcing myself to 😉 Oh, what am I going to do with myself? Two hour conversations by fires in coffee shops are wonderful things. Hearing the words “I understand” and “that’s hard” and “I’m sorry” are such relieving things.
The talks in the morning that I listened to were: Anchored to the Present and Anchored to Your Story. The present one talked about being content where you’re at and not rushing by because God has a plan for you now. That happened… And the other about how we need to share our stories about God with each other so we can have a clearer picture of who God is. Good stuff, but I had heard it before. I’ve been churched. Some of it did strike me. It was a good reiteration of what I knew. The evening talk was about having Christ as our Anchor. Okay, really starting to be a pattern here in case you missed it. Ugh. Then the powerful music.
I have this hope
As an anchor for my soul
Through every storm
I will hold to You
With endless love
All my fear is swept away
In everything
There is hope in the promise of the cross
You gave everything to save the world You love
And this hope is an anchor for my soul
Our God will stand
Unshakeable
I will not cry. I will not cry. I found myself torn between my own stubborness and that voice inside me calling. I will not cry. I am a stone. This is manipulation. Or is it the Spirit? I wanted to be free. I wanted to melt down on my knees and change, but I couldn’t.  I was trapped by anchors: bitterness, doubt, fear, defiance. I struggled, wrapped up in emotion of uncertainty. Okay, God. I don’t know what to do. Do something. I felt a hand tap my shoulder and a friend say, “Can I pray for you?” I said, yes. As she started to pray, her arms holding me in security and love, I began to cry, shedding tears I had so wanted to hold back. Mascara running, shaking in the knowledge that God will always be my anchor even when when I try to cut him loose.
Your Name is higher
Your Name is greater
All my hope is in You
Your word unfailing
Your promise unshaken
All my hope is in You
To finish up the weeded on Sunday the talk was on parents. Bam. Full circle. Oh, my. Next time you try to win an emotional battle, make sure God isn’t your opponent. He’ll win whether you want Him to or not. He’ll win when you need Him to.
P.S. Can I just say something about yoga pants? They are NOT pants. Girl, I do not need to see every curve. And Ugg boots? Seriously? UGGGG! No wonder you’re slipping every ten feet. Those things have no traction. But obviously I missed the memo because I swear 75% of the girls at the camp wore the combination of those two. #wat #mylife #stillwearingskinnyjeans
Watch videos of the trip:
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What’s in a Name?
Some snap shots of the band. Joey and I decided to audition for the Youth Charity Jam here in Rockford. That means we have to get busy and with the wedding closing in, I’m swamped. We’re getting it all done, though. Interestingly, the hardest part about doing music so far is deciding on a name for our group. Nothing sounds right or even good. Whatever. We’ll think of something; and even if we don’t, it doesn’t really matter.
Typical School
Eat. Get fully dressed, lipstick and all. Make tea. Cue jazz music.Â
Math: Step 1) write down problem. Step 2) doodle on homwork. Step 3) stain homework with tea. Step 4) take pictures of stained homework. Step 5) sing and table dance. Step 6) actually finish homework.
My Top 20 Moments of 2013
So facebook has a feature, “my year in review”, with what it thinks are my top moments of the past year. It got several things correct. But there are some things the number of likes and comments can’t measure. So here is what I hold as the top 20 moments and memories (in order of appearance) of 2013.
1. WinterJam. WinterJam was one of the few times when I felt connected with God along with the other believers around me. Connection like that is supernatural.Â
2 .My Birthday. I remember feeling completely loved and cared for on that day. It was a Thursday, which meant there was swing dancing. Before that, I met my friends at Starbucks and they surprised me with flowers, coffee and a brownie with a candle in it. Â
3. Ascension Convention. The conference itself wasn’t anything much, but again, as a youth group, we all connected. We supported each other. Frankly, as a church, we acted like a church.Â
4. Prom. Yeah, whatever, it’s cliché, but I had a great time with this guy.Â
5. The Imaginary Invalid. This spring play made me exceedingly thankful for the friends I have. I also played probably my favorite role: Leah, the quick-witted, snarky maid.Â
6. Fashion show. Thanks to my sis, I got to be back stage during one of her fashion shows at her college. I did her models’ hair and got to meet some of her friends.Â
The Vespers
7. The Vespers concert. This was the beginning of summer for me. Joanna, Hudson and I drove an hour and some to see The Vespers, now one of my favorite bands.Â
8. My yard working job. This, I didn’t really enjoy that much, but I’m so glad for the opportunity I had to work and work hard with my bare hands. I was glad for the money and appreciative for the reminder of why I want to go to college.
9. Dancing in Beloit. This is one of my favorite things about summer. Each year, the family and then whatever friends we can drag along, go dancing at Harry’s Place, a gazebo on the river in downtown Beloit.Â
10. Doing music with Joey. Joey and I have been writing and working on some songs over the year, and it’s been a ton of fun and I’ve enjoyed getting the experience.Â
My favorite activity that we did 🙂
11. Vacation with the fam. I got to do so many things I had never done before on this vacation. I thoroughly enjoyed all the traveling and adventures. But really what makes this vacation stand out is all the time I got to think. Since we traveled all over the place, I had hours and hours just to sit and think about some things that I really needed to think about and figure out. I remember talking to God and hearing him answer. I asked him to make himself clear and a car hit us. Yep, having nothing to do is amazing. (read a related post)
12. Missions Week. My church did a missions week where we hosted a team from Ohio, had a VBS, and did community service all day long. So great. I’ve never felt so useful in all my life. The best part was painting a house. I got to paint the steeples with my second papa. The bomb.
13. Fourth of July. This night was mostly just classic. It wasn’t really the fourth, but it was my neighborhood’s firework show. So much fun. So many fireworks.Â
My new friend, Lanie.
14. Escape to the Lake. This was a life changer. Escape to the Lake was a music conference over the Fourth of July weekend. I met a lot of great people and got to know some of the band people too (including The Vespers)! But the most important part was making friends with a little girl, Lanie. I thought I could never talk with kids, much less enjoy it. Thanks, girl, for proving me wrong.Â
15. Doctor Who. Yes, this was an important part of my year. The Doctor taught me to see people the way they are: fantastic. All people are amazing whether they know it or not. I love discovering what different people are all about now. I see people in a whole new way.Â
16. Classy Picnic. Life is what you make of it. And I decided to make it awesome. So I had a classy picnic with classic peeps.
17. USO Swing dance. I met the girl (who would become a close friend)I would travel to Hawaii with, played games, dressed up 1940’s style and got to dance the night away to a live band. That’s what I call a good weekend.
18. Hanging with my bestie and making some new friends. Abby became my friend when I was possibly in my most horrible stage ever. I looked awkward, talked awkwardly, acted awkward, and despite all that, I thought I knew almost everything. I’m afraid I didn’t have much grace. But Abs was always there. I thank her for smoothing over some of my rough spots. And she still pushes through all the rest of my weirdness and is one of my best friends to this day. I love hanging with her. I also got to know several other people this year, people that I’ve known, but recently discovered how incredible or funny or strange or sweet they are. People are just cool.Â
19. Hawaii. I’ve been working on a post for Hawaii, and it’s been taking a long time because so much happened. So many little moments that I would have missed if I hadn’t had been looking. Those little things are really part of me now. I enjoyed playing with kids, had a ball in the kitchen and was reminded what life was all about. Oh, and gained two sisters.
20. Pine Havens Inn Trouble. This fall play was actually really stressful, but I’m so glad I did it. Â I will very easily forget what the play was about or what my lines were, but I will never forget hiding away in forgotten corners, derping around backstage, and making ridiculous jokes with these dorks.Â
So there’s that, 2013. I’ve changed so much for the better. I attribute it all to the amazing people God has put in my life and all the tough things He put in my way. Thank you for the trials, pain, laughs, friends, good times and encouragement.