I, like many other teenagers these days, have braces. If you have braces, you know what a pain they are. If you don’t, allow me to share with you a part of the horror. Imagine sharp metal brackets being glued to each of your teeth. Now add a wire that connects all of those together. Every month that wire is tightened, pulling and pushing your teeth this way and that causing great pain and agony. Now for the rubber bands: strung from your top teeth to the bottom ones constricting how wide you can open your mouth. And those times when they snap in your mouth are always fun especially when you’re singing on stage in church for worship. But what’s worse is that you can’t even eat your comfort food. Say goodbye to all caramels, hard pizza crust, crunchy chips, whole juicy apples, gum, soda (rootbeer floats!), toffee, etc. It’s a sad way to live.

Fortunately I have a date to get mine off in a few days! February 25th is the lucky day! Naturally I can’t wait. But there is a part of me that is dreading getting them off. I know what you’re thinking: “How on earth isn’t she completely elated with that news! Having braces is so annoying.” And you are most right too reader. When I realized that I was somewhat scared to get them off, I wondered why I was frightened, and this is my conclusion.

Braces are my excuse. They are a very good excuse too. Pronounce a word wrong? Blame it on the braces. Don’t want to eat a certain food? Blame it on the braces. Don’t feel like talking? Blame it on the braces. Feeling ugly? Blame it on the braces. Feeling rejected at the dance because no one asked you? Blame it on the braces. You can see where I’m going. Almost anything I could blame on my braces. I did this all subconsciously, but I most certainly did it. I realized that I had an unrealistic picture of what my life would be like after I got my braces off. Somehow I got it into my head that once they were off, I would become completely gorgeous, loose all my awkwardness, and really just become the perfect picture of a “teen”. I even imagined myself with different clothes and hair. I imagined people treating me differently. I imagined the girl I “wish” I could be but never could. I imagined a popular girl. The imagined image was so far from me that I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore.

I was kind of surprised when I figured all this out. I mean, did I really think all that was going to happen, and do I really wish all that? Do I really want to be the girl I imagined I would be with braces off? I hope I don’t. I don’t think I like her very much.

After I realized all this, I was even more scared to get my braces off, 1) because I wouldn’t have my excuse anymore, and 2) because I really didn’t want to turn into that other girl. As I have posted previously, I really want to be me. I want to be the unique individual I am. That is part of the reason I was so appalled at this perfect girl I dreamed up: I wouldn’t be me anymore.

Perhaps I’m just over analyzing, as I tend to do, but will my life really change that much when I get my braces off? Will I change that much? I guess I’ll have to wait and find out.

I was born a rebel.

That’s what I lean towards. As I have stated in “The Plight of the Youngest” post, I feel a need to express myself as an individual. I want to prove myself. I stretch the limits of everything. I question everything. I crave to coherently state my ideas and my creativity. I wanted to be ‘me’, and I wanted ‘me’ to be unique. I always thought that if I could stay true to myself I could accomplish anything. I believe in dreaming big, following one’s heart — never giving up, never giving in.

In a sense, this is good. As Christians, we are supposed to live nonconforming with the world. I use the “living in the world, but not of it” verse as a biblical reason for my rebel attitude. But my manner in this area has been anything but biblical.

This past year, I came in contact with an idea that is so absurd that it is completely shunned in today’s society and culture. What is this incomprehensible idea? It is, in fact, the idea of dying to one’s self. Think about that for a second: dying to one’s self, surrendering. Our country is founded on ideas completely opposite to that. As Rick Warren put it in his book A Purpose Given Life, “Surrender evokes the unpleasant images of admitting defeat in battle, forfeiting a game, or yielding to a stronger opponent. The word is almost always used in a negative context…In today’s competitive culture we are taught to never give up and never give in — so we don’t hear much about surrendering. If winning is everything, surrendering is unthinkable” (97).

I always thought that if I surrendered to anything — whether it be God or another person — I would lose myself in the process. And I so wanted to find myself, not lose me! But what I’ve come to realize — no, what I’m coming to realize — is that it is only when we fully give ourselves over to God that we find ourselves. C. S. Lewis said, “The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become…”

I don’t need to go and search high and low for myself and my individuality; I need to let God take me over. I mean, let’s face it: God is completely unique; there is no one like Him. If I die to myself daily and let God rule in me, won’t I be unique too? Yes. Furthermore, I’ll be the person God intended me to be and what is better than God’s plan? E. Stanley Jones said, “If we don’t surrender to God, then we surrender to chaos.”

Surrendering. Dying to one’s self. Submitting. Yielding. Giving in.

Because God is the only thing worth giving in to.