Two days left at camp. It’s been a very eventful 67 days. I’m going to level with you. I didn’t want to come. It often seems like I really REALLY don’t want to do something that turns out to shape my life. It was that way when I went to Hallstrom. I did not want to try out for that first play. And now I can’t imagine how my life would have been if I hadn’t have gone. Anyway, God has a way of closing all other doors and pushing me through one — or just having my mother force me through. I applied for several other jobs and didn’t hear a word from any until I applied (very half-heartedly, I must say) for Lake Geneva Youth Camp. Then after applying for LGYC, I got two calls back from other companies. I even had an interview with the Girl Scouts. I was waiting to hear back from them when I was interviewed by LGYC and offered the job on the spot. Okay, God, so you want me at camp.

I’ve already mentioned being stronger since I’ve come back from camp, so I won’t go too much into that. Instead I want to focus on God. Specifically His goodness. One of the things about camp and church and Christians is they challenge individuals to give themselves completely to God. (I suppose the bible tells you to do that too). It’s not that this is a new idea to me, or that I didn’t want to do that, but I realized I really hadn’t done that. Not that anyone truly has either, but this was my thought process.

Question 1: Why should I give myself to God?

Sunday school answer: Because of His unfailing love and because His plan for your life is perfect and He has your best interests at heart. (Selfish reasons, but they are all true.)

Question 2: How can I really know that God’s plan is perfect for me?

Sunday school answer: Because He is a good God that cares.

Question 3: How can I personally know that God is good?

Sunday school answer: Because he died on the cross for my sin, I can forever live with him.

Those are all true, but somehow I’d heard them too often and they had lost meaning — like a fact memorized for a test or knowledge without understanding. So my life was not fully given to God because deep down, I didn’t believe — I didn’t know — that God was good. It wasn’t real to me. How could God be good when I had experienced so much pain from other Christians? How can I know if God is good? How can God be good when he hasn’t shown ME?

When I was at camp, I had an epiphany: why don’t I just ask God to show me His goodness? I had never thought of this before… A lot of my prayers consisted of “your will be done”. That is still a great way to pray, but it’s not very helpful sometimes. For one, how can you know if your prayer is answered since you don’t really know what you’re asking for (that is unless you know God’s will for everything). But I think I didn’t pray for something so specific before because I was scared. What if God didn’t respond? Praying for something specific means that whatever happens you can’t just say “well that must have been God’s will, so prayer answered!” When you pray for something specific, you’re believing there’s a God who will hear you. You’re believing that He will answer you. You’re believing He is all powerful. You’re believing He can do anything. That’s scary because what if He doesn’t do or isn’t those things? General prayers can turn into cop-outs because there are so many ways they can “be answered”. Specific prayers mean business.

I was at camp. I meant business. So I asked God to show me His goodness, specifically through other believers that summer. I had it in my mind that it would take most of the summer for me to see God’s goodness, so I wasn’t prepared when the very next day He dropped it on me like a ton of gold. That day and every day after it I was loaded and loaded with more signs of His goodness, kindness, and love.

I’ve now been home for quite a while (yes, I take a while to finish posts sometimes), and I’ve had my faith restored in God through fellow believers and through that, my faith restored in believers. The real lesson here is this: God is big enough to answer your prayers — even the specific ones.