A few weeks ago, we had some house guests. I’ve known about this family for a while, but I didn’t really know them. Anyway, the parents and their youngest son came up. He’s my age and so I had the job of “entertaining” him. This proved a very hard thing since he probably only said a total of 15 words the whole 17 hours he was here, most of which consisted of “yeah”, “sure”, and “uhuh”. Talk about awkward.

But that encounter got me thinking about conversations. I believe that being a good conversationalist is a necessary, but rare, skill. I’ve never found it hard to talk to people — unless it’s like talking to a statue. But lately I’ve felt slightly off when I talk. I first noticed it at a wedding. I had the opportunity to be assistant photographer to my friend. That involved a lot of meeting people and talking. I was confused as to why I felt like I was having a hard time talking to these people. After some thought, I realized what was happening: I was a good conversationalist — for a child. A child is expected to coherently state opinions and express ideas. Once that is done, ta-da, good job, you are a good communicator — for a child. However, if you wish to master the art of communicating as an adult you must coherently state opinions, express ideas and ask about the other person.

You see I was used to saying things like this to adults: “Yes, I really like that band. They have a good sound and their lyrics are meaningful,” and then wait for them to ask another question.

So I started practicing this: “Yes, that band is really meaningful to me. What songs of theirs do you like?”

That’s it. Just asking questions. Passing the baton, and taking an interest in their lives.  At Escape to the Lake, I started conversations. I asked questions. I got to know adults — maybe even more than they got to know me. It was a good exercise. But I have a ways to go.