Retreats. Yup, they are complete manipulation. You stay up late, get dehydrated, run around, hug strangers, listen to powerful music and driving talks, and the last day you cry, “change your life”, go home and forget everything you so miraculously learned over the week/weekend. Such was, and to a point still is, my view of retreats.

So, why am I talking about retreats? Well, because I just came back from one. I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to go at all. I didn’t want to get sucked into the trick that was so carefully planned by youth leaders. I didn’t want a spiritual high because at some point I knew I would fall and so would every other hormonal teen.

What was the point?

The first night I was determined to have a good time because I was there, but I told myself I would not be emotionally moved. There was the overly enthusiastic group of 400 teens screaming and cheering for… what reason? God? Anyway, the band was good. Not so good that they were snobbish, but good. The theme, Anchored, was cool. And then the speaker.

Okay, at this point you’re probably guessing how this post is going to end. I’m going to say how much I was impacted and changed and how retreats are amazing and yada yada yada. You might be right, but you’re definitely wrong. That would be too typical, and life, unlike Hollywood, is not predicable. But I will tell you I’ve been telling myself to stop being bitter, to depend fully on Christ, be content with the present, and try to give my parents grace so we all can get through the next few months until I get a job and start community college. There’s a little prelude or teaser, or whatever for you.

Anyway, then came the first talk of the weekend. He opened by summing up what I thought of camps to a degree (his version was a bit more optimistic), but it got me listening. He spoke about how we are anchored to different things that are holding us down. Either the past, bitterness, or fear. Bitterness.

Moving on. Then we did the whole “stay up late, hug strangers” part during the gym game time that started at 11:30.

Saturday was fun. Think, 70ft swing fun. Think super fast tubing slide fun. Think laser tag fun. It was a jolly old time, Saturday was. I actually enjoyed myself without forcing myself to 😉 Oh, what am I going to do with myself? Two hour conversations by fires in coffee shops are wonderful things. Hearing the words “I understand” and “that’s hard” and “I’m sorry” are such relieving things.

The talks in the morning that I listened to were: Anchored to the Present and Anchored to Your Story. The present one talked about being content where you’re at and not rushing by because God has a plan for you now. That happened… And the other about how we need to share our stories about God with each other so we can have a clearer picture of who God is. Good stuff, but I had heard it before. I’ve been churched. Some of it did strike me. It was a good reiteration of what I knew. The evening talk was about having Christ as our Anchor. Okay, really starting to be a pattern here in case you missed it. Ugh. Then the powerful music.

I have this hope
As an anchor for my soul
Through every storm
I will hold to You

With endless love
All my fear is swept away
In everything

There is hope in the promise of the cross
You gave everything to save the world You love
And this hope is an anchor for my soul
Our God will stand
Unshakeable

I will not cry. I will not cry. I found myself torn between my own stubborness and that voice inside me calling. I will not cry. I am a stone. This is manipulation. Or is it the Spirit? I wanted to be free. I wanted to melt down on my knees and change, but I couldn’t.  I was trapped by anchors: bitterness, doubt, fear, defiance. I struggled, wrapped up in emotion of uncertainty. Okay, God. I don’t know what to do. Do something. I felt a hand tap my shoulder and a friend say, “Can I pray for you?” I said, yes. As she started to pray, her arms holding me in security and love, I began to cry, shedding tears I had so wanted to hold back. Mascara running, shaking in the knowledge that God will always be my anchor even when when I try to cut him loose.

Your Name is higher
Your Name is greater
All my hope is in You

Your word unfailing
Your promise unshaken
All my hope is in You

To finish up the weeded on Sunday the talk was on parents. Bam. Full circle. Oh, my. Next time you try to win an emotional battle, make sure God isn’t your opponent. He’ll win whether you want Him to or not. He’ll win when you need Him to.

P.S. Can I just say something about yoga pants? They are NOT pants. Girl, I do not need to see every curve. And Ugg boots? Seriously? UGGGG! No wonder you’re slipping every ten feet. Those things have no traction. But obviously I missed the memo because I swear 75% of the girls at the camp wore the combination of those two. #wat #mylife #stillwearingskinnyjeans

Watch videos of the trip:

Blasting Away!

Blasting Away 2!

[portfolio_slideshow]