I think we all know forgiveness is a process. But it’s hard to know where to begin. A friend really helped me to forgive, and here are some helpful tips I discovered through my process.

1) Write it down.

Write down anything and everything that person, church, organization ever did wrong towards you. This is the venting part of the process. Get it all out, and put it on paper.

2) Pray For a Change of Heart

As soon as you are getting frustrated, pray. Even before you’re upset. Never stop praying through this whole process. Forgiveness is more about changing yourself than the perpetrator. So keep praying that God will change your heart towards that person.

3) Pray For Your Enemies

Pray for the people you need to forgive. Pray that their heart will change, pray for their hearts. Pray for their day. Pray that it’ll go well. These prayers are really really hard. Start off simple. Mine started off something like this: “God, I don’t want to do this, but be with them. Help them.”

4) Be Extra Kind to Them

No, not to kill them with kindness, but to kill yourself. Dying to yourself is the only way to fully love others. When I found myself getting upset with the people I was bitter towards, I would do something out of my way to make their life better. It’s about humbleness.

5) Wait on the Lord

Sometimes you just need to wait. Okay, oftentimes you just need to wait. Keep doing what’s right and keep loving. God’s there, and he will help you. Bitterness is a nasty infection, and it talks a long time to be cured. But remember, you’re the one who is sick. Your bitterness does not affect others as much at it negatively affects you.